KIDS HEAR THE DARNDEST THINGS

My kids know all about hunting, fishing and the outdoors.  They've grown up around it and participate right alongside me on many outings.  However, many of their neighborhood friends don't have a clue about hunting or fishing.  But the good news is they are curious and I take the opportunity to teach them a few things.  Most lessons are good, too.  Well, except for one little slip recently.   

For nearly two decades, every time I back my truck or boat into the driveway it's not uncommon to have kids ranging in age from 5-15 come over to poke around in my livewell or see what rode home in the back of the truck.  They're intrigued, fascinated and truly inquisitive about hunting and fishing and the resulting fish or game.  Childlike curiosity is entertaining, too, with questions that run the gamut.

"How did you kill it?"
"What part do you eat?"
"Do you eat the fins?"

Many of the neighbor kids are older now so my audience isn't as large.  But last weekend when I had a deer to get out of my truck my little neighbor girl, who is in 3rd grade, was playing in the leaves with a little boy who was her classmate and his 4th grade brother.  I was actually going to try to get it out without being noticed as she's quite the animal lover and I was concerned about her feelings.

But the boys saw me and said "Oh, he's got a coyote!" 

I told them it was actually a deer and drug it around to the back yard to hang it so I could process it.  I turned and saw three little faces peering through the fence between our yards.  I asked if they wanted to come see it and they hollered "YES!"

As they came through my garage I told the little girl I wanted to make sure she knew there was a dead deer laying there.  She said she knew and marched right up to it without a qualm or any hesitation.  They all started in with a barrage of questions.  After a few minutes, their curiosity quenched, they went back to playing in the leaves as I got busy with a knife skinning and quartering my deer.

I was in a hurry as my son wanted to go deer hunting that afternoon.  A careless slip of the knife and my pinkie finger was cut bad enough I knew it may require a trip to the ER for stitches.  It caught me by surprise and I hollered an expletive that would have made Charlie Sheen blush.  I dropped the knife and looked up just in time to see all three kids staring at me between our houses.

I took off for the sink and hollered at my wife.  As I washed my hands trying to assess the damage my wife starts freaking out as my blood trail was better than my deer that morning. 

"You need to go to the hospital!!!"  she screamed, a lot. 

I had to laugh as the scene reminded me of the one from Saturday Night Live where Dan Aykroyd portrayed Julia Childs cutting up chicken and she cut herself with the knife.  Google it if you haven't seen it (be forewarned...it's gross). 

Anyway, I told my wife I didn't have time to go to the ER and in all seriousness, it looked to be borderline stitch-needing.  In true, redneck style, I got some electrical tape and a paper towel and wrapped it tightly to stop the bleeding.  I did shove it in a latex rubber glove and went back outside to finish processing the deer. 

When I turned around I saw those three little faces at the fence again.

"I think I saw you cut yourself!" one little boy said.

"You did?" I responded.

"Yeah, I heard you holler, drop the knife and start jumping all over and then run inside," he said.

"Did you hear any bad words?" I quizzed.

All three heads shook back and forth and the response was in unison and not very truthful sounding...."uh,uh, noooo!"

Too bad kids hear the darndest things.